Time Is Money... So Spend It Wisely

I went to the cinemas last night to see the new Justin Timberlake / Amanda Seyfried movie "In Time" - and I found the movie fascinating!

The basic premise of the movie, is a future where people stop aging at 25, but are engineered to live only one more year beyond that - and the currency of society is time. They 'earn' additional time through hard work or thievery, and 'spend' their minutes or hours on purchases like coffee, cars, rent etc.

The notion of time is money is not a new one, but this movie explores that notion in a literal sense. The ghetto was filled with people who were time-poor and living from day to day, not game to waste a minute, living life in the fast-lane. The upper class have centuries to live, but they take life at such a slow and leisurely pace that they never really live a day in their life.

The concept is not really that far off reality. So many of us take time for granted. We act like we've got time to burn. True the vast majority of us are going to live well beyond the 25 years of age that many died at in the movie, but the harsh reality of life is that we don't know which day is going to be our last. As anyone who has lost someone they love to illness or accident long before old-age took hold can attest, you should always cherish today.

Yesterday is a cancelled check; tomorrow is a promissory note; today is the only cash you have - so spend it wisely.

Life is a great and wondrous mystery, and the only thing we know that we have for sure is what is right here right now. So don't miss it. Don't waste it. Get out there and make the most of it!

The Trick Behind A Powerful No

Many people find it extremely difficult to say no to other people when they ask us to do something, even if doing it will cause us great inconvenience. We believe that a refusal will seem unfriendly or even hostile and that people will not like us if we say no to them. Yet this is quite untrue - saying no in the right situation may not only alleviate stress on you but also command respect from other people.

The very fact that this post is happening on Sunday night instead of Friday was the direct result of the aftermath created by me not saying no to people when I needed to, resulting in a massive overload of time-pressed tasks I had to complete to my own detriment (pure exhaustion). I knew when I said yes to certain requests that it was going to be too much to handle, yet I didn't do the right thing and stand up for myself and say no.

I've come to realise, that by not being assertive and putting my foot down with certain people, I am just enabling them to continue taking advantage of my time, skill set and generosity. Don't get me wrong, I like helping people out of a jam, but when doing so repeatedly is constantly getting me into a frustrating time crunch, the buck has to stop somewhere! So why do I keep letting it happen?

Learning to say no is a natural part of development. Yet for most people, I do not think at any point we ever got taught how to say no effectively. I mean we learnt the word no as toddlers. We chanted it as children when being asked to do chores or go to bed. We yelled it as teenagers when being told we had to get off the phone or do our homework. Some of us are great at saying no when someone uses a cheesy pick up line on us.

That is all instinctual. We learn from watching others. Or watching others on TV. But few of us ever learn a clear concise way to say no effectively. So let me shed some light and spell it out.

The Path To The Perfectly Assertive No

• Breathe deeply.
• Be firm in your vocal tone and body language.
• Start you answer with the word no.
• Keep the reply short and clear, but not abrupt.
• Give the real reason for refusing; don't invent excuses.
• Avoid "I can't" phrases; use "I'd prefer not" or "I'd rather not."
• Don't apologise profusely, if at all (one "I'm sorry" will suffice).
• Acknowledge the requester by name.
• Ask for more information if needed.
• Ask for more time if needed.

If the other person repeats their request or persists in assuming that you will comply, calmly use the following techniques:

• Repeat your refusal.
• Slow down and emphasise the words you are repeating.
• If you did not state your reason the first time, do so.
• Don't search for better reasons.

So go on, decide what you want and say no to the rest. It won't hurt a bit, I promise. Just remember, being assertive and saying no doesn't make you a bad person! One day soon I might examine the thought processes behind people's fear of saying no, but for now - I'm going to go take my own advice and say no to something!

If "Yes" Is Easy, Why Is "No" So Hard?

Myself and a few of my close friends, are not very good at something which many people seem to find easy... and that is the art of saying no. When a simple (or complicated) request comes our way, we are often too easily convinced or coerced into helping out.

It isn't that we don't want to help, or that we can't (although sometimes it is) - more often than not, we can squeeze it in to our already busy schedules. What we don't tell you, is that it places uneccessary stress on us in the inevitable time crunch we were already in before your request was tabled.

There is a time and a place for helping. But there is also a time when saying no is better for everyone involved. What I am beginning to discover, is that some people simply do not know how to say no and have it actually mean No.

If you wish your no to be taken seriously, the method of delivering it is very important. First of all, you need to believe it yourself, and to do this you need to overcome all the common fallacies that usually get in the way and concentrate on your own rights instead.

DON'T THINK...

• If I refuse, others will feel hurt and angry.
• If I refuse, others won't like or love me.
• It's rude or selfish to refuse.
• If I refuse, I won't be able to make any requests of others.
• Their needs are more important than mine.

DO THINK...

• I have the right to say yes or no for myself.
• I have the right to set my own priorities.
• I have the right to state the difficulties that others' requests of me will cause.

For now, let's wrap our heads around the mental side of the reasons why it is okay to say no in certain situations. Tomorrow, I'll elaborate on the actual methodology behind saying "No" assertively. For us 'yes men' of the world, it can be a challenge to get the hang of, but once we get there... it is liberation all the way!