Myself and a few of my close friends, are not very good at something which many people seem to find easy... and that is the art of saying no. When a simple (or complicated) request comes our way, we are often too easily convinced or coerced into helping out.
It isn't that we don't want to help, or that we can't (although sometimes it is) - more often than not, we can squeeze it in to our already busy schedules. What we don't tell you, is that it places uneccessary stress on us in the inevitable time crunch we were already in before your request was tabled.
There is a time and a place for helping. But there is also a time when saying no is better for everyone involved. What I am beginning to discover, is that some people simply do not know how to say no and have it actually mean No.
If you wish your no to be taken seriously, the method of delivering it is very important. First of all, you need to believe it yourself, and to do this you need to overcome all the common fallacies that usually get in the way and concentrate on your own rights instead.
DON'T THINK...
- If I refuse, others will feel hurt and angry.
- If I refuse, others won't like or love me.
- It's rude or selfish to refuse.
- If I refuse, I won't be able to make any requests of others.
- Their needs are more important than mine.
DO THINK...
- I have the right to say yes or no for myself.
- I have the right to set my own priorities.
- I have the right to state the difficulties that others' requests of me will cause.
For now, let's wrap our heads around the mental side of the reasons why it is okay to say no in certain situations. Tomorrow, I'll elaborate on the actual methodology behind saying "No" assertively. For us 'yes men' of the world, it can be a challenge to get the hang of, but once we get there... it is liberation all the way!
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