'Get' Yourself

Do you 'get' you?

Do you get how great you really are?

As soon as you do, you are instantly bigger, taller, brighter, more full of yourself. I'm not talking about being conceited, I'm talking about having a healthly level of self-confidence. Giving yourself a bit of an ego boost and revelling in the awesomeness that is you.

I want you to make a list titled 'Reasons to feel immensely proud of myself'. Jot down three things that come to mind immediately. This list tells you how brilliant you already are, how clever, how accomplished, how downright brilliant. Unless you appreciate your worth and value in this way, it is hard for you to use it or make it work for you.

Think of it this way, it is like you have banked all these riches without making them grow or even buy anything useful. Go on. Impress yourself. Have a metaphorical growth spurt in less than five minutes. In our busy lives, especially at this busy time of year, it is easy to lose sight of who you are.

The key to more power is to appreciate your own value. Look at your list. I want you to make this list so good, so thorough that you swell with pride at the sight of yourself laid bare. Fill yourself up with respect. Rise up in your own estimation. Focus on that list every evening for a week. Slowly but surely, you will grow in stature each and every day.

Get into the habit of regular appreciation and admiration for yourself. I promise you, this isn't an indulgence. It is a way of looking at yourself that gives you access to your own power base. The stronger you are within, the more it shows on the outside. Your power and poise should be written all over you.

You are fabulous.

Go 'get' you!

Take 100% Responsibility For Your Life

Some time ago, my mother handed me a book that very well might be the key to personal success. In typical Krissie-fashion, life got in the way and leisure reading fell way off my radar. Today I finally decided to get stuck into it. The book is written by Jack Canfield, one of the creators of the Chicken Soup for the Soul. The book is aptly titled "The Success Priniciples"

According to Mr Canfield, the biggest myth in today's society is that we are not entitled to a great life and that somehow, somewhere, someone is responsible for filling our lives with continual happiness, nurturing family time, exciting career options, blissful personal relationships - all simply because we exist.

He argues that the real truth, is that there is only one person responsible for the quality of life you live, and that person is you.

This means that if you want to be successful, you have to take 100% responsibility for everything that you experience in your life. This includes the results you produce, the level of your acheivements, the state of your health and physical fitness, the quality of your relationships, your income, your debts, your feelings - absolutely everything!

This is not an easy idea to wrap one's head around, let alone to actually do. In our society, most of us have been conditioned to blame something outside of ourselves for the parts of our life we don't like. We blame our parents, our partners, our friends, our bosses, our colleagues, our clients, the media, the weather, the economy, our lack of money, our astrological chart - anyone or anything we can pin the blame on.

We never want to look at where the real problem is - ourselves.

In a year that has been primarily a journey of self-discovery as I pushed my boundaries, lived overseas, met new kinds of people from all walks of life, and spent some serious time reflecting on my life and who I truly am, I really wish I had read this book before I began. Just the opening chapter has me considering my situation in a totally different, brutally honest and open way.

As of this morning, I have written a list of the things about my life I don't like. I have selected five of them to start actively changing from RIGHT NOW and have developed a plan of attack to make it happen. Every week I am setting myself a set of goals and challenges to acheive in that seven day stretch to start proactively working towards the life I really want. At the end of each week, I will review and reset the goals for the following week.

I am excited. I am done making excuses and letting stuff slide. I don't like everything about the status quo that is my current life, so I am mixing it up and making things happen. External forces are no longer a factor.

 My success comes down to one thing... ME!

Confidence - The Passport To Success

I am often complimented by others on my natural confidence and effervescent personality. Little do they realise, that confidence is a skill I cultivate carefully, and that I too experience self-doubt just like everyone else. I think alot of people mistake extroversion for confidence. Confidence runs much deeper than just being simply outgoing.

Having confidence can be the passport to success in your personal and professional life. Confidence enables you to take on new challenges, trust yourself in difficult situations, go beyound your perceived limits, tackle things you have never done before, and make full use of your natural talents and capabilities.

When you have confidence gives you the courage not to worry about the consequences of failure. The hallmark of all truly confident people is that they focus on what they can do and about the positive outcomes they will achieve, rather than worrying about what they can't do.

Without confidence, life's challenges can seem insurmountable. It provides the strength to tackle these challenges but when you lose confidence, doubt and uncertainty prevail. A person who lacks confidence gets into a cycle of behaviour that becomes increasingly difficult to break. A fear of failure leads to indecision, which leads to further self-doubt.

Ever find yourself blaming others when things go wrong, rather than learning from your mistakes? Or struggling to make clear-cut decisions in case you get them wrong? Avoiding calling someone for a date, for fear of rejection? If so, you may be lacking in the confidence department.

The good news is that lost confidence is not lost forever - it has simply been overpowered by self-doubt. Your natural confience is there inside you at all times. You just have to find it again!

The Trick Behind A Powerful No

Many people find it extremely difficult to say no to other people when they ask us to do something, even if doing it will cause us great inconvenience. We believe that a refusal will seem unfriendly or even hostile and that people will not like us if we say no to them. Yet this is quite untrue - saying no in the right situation may not only alleviate stress on you but also command respect from other people.

The very fact that this post is happening on Sunday night instead of Friday was the direct result of the aftermath created by me not saying no to people when I needed to, resulting in a massive overload of time-pressed tasks I had to complete to my own detriment (pure exhaustion). I knew when I said yes to certain requests that it was going to be too much to handle, yet I didn't do the right thing and stand up for myself and say no.

I've come to realise, that by not being assertive and putting my foot down with certain people, I am just enabling them to continue taking advantage of my time, skill set and generosity. Don't get me wrong, I like helping people out of a jam, but when doing so repeatedly is constantly getting me into a frustrating time crunch, the buck has to stop somewhere! So why do I keep letting it happen?

Learning to say no is a natural part of development. Yet for most people, I do not think at any point we ever got taught how to say no effectively. I mean we learnt the word no as toddlers. We chanted it as children when being asked to do chores or go to bed. We yelled it as teenagers when being told we had to get off the phone or do our homework. Some of us are great at saying no when someone uses a cheesy pick up line on us.

That is all instinctual. We learn from watching others. Or watching others on TV. But few of us ever learn a clear concise way to say no effectively. So let me shed some light and spell it out.

The Path To The Perfectly Assertive No

• Breathe deeply.
• Be firm in your vocal tone and body language.
• Start you answer with the word no.
• Keep the reply short and clear, but not abrupt.
• Give the real reason for refusing; don't invent excuses.
• Avoid "I can't" phrases; use "I'd prefer not" or "I'd rather not."
• Don't apologise profusely, if at all (one "I'm sorry" will suffice).
• Acknowledge the requester by name.
• Ask for more information if needed.
• Ask for more time if needed.

If the other person repeats their request or persists in assuming that you will comply, calmly use the following techniques:

• Repeat your refusal.
• Slow down and emphasise the words you are repeating.
• If you did not state your reason the first time, do so.
• Don't search for better reasons.

So go on, decide what you want and say no to the rest. It won't hurt a bit, I promise. Just remember, being assertive and saying no doesn't make you a bad person! One day soon I might examine the thought processes behind people's fear of saying no, but for now - I'm going to go take my own advice and say no to something!

If "Yes" Is Easy, Why Is "No" So Hard?

Myself and a few of my close friends, are not very good at something which many people seem to find easy... and that is the art of saying no. When a simple (or complicated) request comes our way, we are often too easily convinced or coerced into helping out.

It isn't that we don't want to help, or that we can't (although sometimes it is) - more often than not, we can squeeze it in to our already busy schedules. What we don't tell you, is that it places uneccessary stress on us in the inevitable time crunch we were already in before your request was tabled.

There is a time and a place for helping. But there is also a time when saying no is better for everyone involved. What I am beginning to discover, is that some people simply do not know how to say no and have it actually mean No.

If you wish your no to be taken seriously, the method of delivering it is very important. First of all, you need to believe it yourself, and to do this you need to overcome all the common fallacies that usually get in the way and concentrate on your own rights instead.

DON'T THINK...

• If I refuse, others will feel hurt and angry.
• If I refuse, others won't like or love me.
• It's rude or selfish to refuse.
• If I refuse, I won't be able to make any requests of others.
• Their needs are more important than mine.

DO THINK...

• I have the right to say yes or no for myself.
• I have the right to set my own priorities.
• I have the right to state the difficulties that others' requests of me will cause.

For now, let's wrap our heads around the mental side of the reasons why it is okay to say no in certain situations. Tomorrow, I'll elaborate on the actual methodology behind saying "No" assertively. For us 'yes men' of the world, it can be a challenge to get the hang of, but once we get there... it is liberation all the way!