Confidence - The Passport To Success

I am often complimented by others on my natural confidence and effervescent personality. Little do they realise, that confidence is a skill I cultivate carefully, and that I too experience self-doubt just like everyone else. I think alot of people mistake extroversion for confidence. Confidence runs much deeper than just being simply outgoing.

Having confidence can be the passport to success in your personal and professional life. Confidence enables you to take on new challenges, trust yourself in difficult situations, go beyound your perceived limits, tackle things you have never done before, and make full use of your natural talents and capabilities.

When you have confidence gives you the courage not to worry about the consequences of failure. The hallmark of all truly confident people is that they focus on what they can do and about the positive outcomes they will achieve, rather than worrying about what they can't do.

Without confidence, life's challenges can seem insurmountable. It provides the strength to tackle these challenges but when you lose confidence, doubt and uncertainty prevail. A person who lacks confidence gets into a cycle of behaviour that becomes increasingly difficult to break. A fear of failure leads to indecision, which leads to further self-doubt.

Ever find yourself blaming others when things go wrong, rather than learning from your mistakes? Or struggling to make clear-cut decisions in case you get them wrong? Avoiding calling someone for a date, for fear of rejection? If so, you may be lacking in the confidence department.

The good news is that lost confidence is not lost forever - it has simply been overpowered by self-doubt. Your natural confience is there inside you at all times. You just have to find it again!

The Trick Behind A Powerful No

Many people find it extremely difficult to say no to other people when they ask us to do something, even if doing it will cause us great inconvenience. We believe that a refusal will seem unfriendly or even hostile and that people will not like us if we say no to them. Yet this is quite untrue - saying no in the right situation may not only alleviate stress on you but also command respect from other people.

The very fact that this post is happening on Sunday night instead of Friday was the direct result of the aftermath created by me not saying no to people when I needed to, resulting in a massive overload of time-pressed tasks I had to complete to my own detriment (pure exhaustion). I knew when I said yes to certain requests that it was going to be too much to handle, yet I didn't do the right thing and stand up for myself and say no.

I've come to realise, that by not being assertive and putting my foot down with certain people, I am just enabling them to continue taking advantage of my time, skill set and generosity. Don't get me wrong, I like helping people out of a jam, but when doing so repeatedly is constantly getting me into a frustrating time crunch, the buck has to stop somewhere! So why do I keep letting it happen?

Learning to say no is a natural part of development. Yet for most people, I do not think at any point we ever got taught how to say no effectively. I mean we learnt the word no as toddlers. We chanted it as children when being asked to do chores or go to bed. We yelled it as teenagers when being told we had to get off the phone or do our homework. Some of us are great at saying no when someone uses a cheesy pick up line on us.

That is all instinctual. We learn from watching others. Or watching others on TV. But few of us ever learn a clear concise way to say no effectively. So let me shed some light and spell it out.

The Path To The Perfectly Assertive No

• Breathe deeply.
• Be firm in your vocal tone and body language.
• Start you answer with the word no.
• Keep the reply short and clear, but not abrupt.
• Give the real reason for refusing; don't invent excuses.
• Avoid "I can't" phrases; use "I'd prefer not" or "I'd rather not."
• Don't apologise profusely, if at all (one "I'm sorry" will suffice).
• Acknowledge the requester by name.
• Ask for more information if needed.
• Ask for more time if needed.

If the other person repeats their request or persists in assuming that you will comply, calmly use the following techniques:

• Repeat your refusal.
• Slow down and emphasise the words you are repeating.
• If you did not state your reason the first time, do so.
• Don't search for better reasons.

So go on, decide what you want and say no to the rest. It won't hurt a bit, I promise. Just remember, being assertive and saying no doesn't make you a bad person! One day soon I might examine the thought processes behind people's fear of saying no, but for now - I'm going to go take my own advice and say no to something!

If "Yes" Is Easy, Why Is "No" So Hard?

Myself and a few of my close friends, are not very good at something which many people seem to find easy... and that is the art of saying no. When a simple (or complicated) request comes our way, we are often too easily convinced or coerced into helping out.

It isn't that we don't want to help, or that we can't (although sometimes it is) - more often than not, we can squeeze it in to our already busy schedules. What we don't tell you, is that it places uneccessary stress on us in the inevitable time crunch we were already in before your request was tabled.

There is a time and a place for helping. But there is also a time when saying no is better for everyone involved. What I am beginning to discover, is that some people simply do not know how to say no and have it actually mean No.

If you wish your no to be taken seriously, the method of delivering it is very important. First of all, you need to believe it yourself, and to do this you need to overcome all the common fallacies that usually get in the way and concentrate on your own rights instead.

DON'T THINK...

• If I refuse, others will feel hurt and angry.
• If I refuse, others won't like or love me.
• It's rude or selfish to refuse.
• If I refuse, I won't be able to make any requests of others.
• Their needs are more important than mine.

DO THINK...

• I have the right to say yes or no for myself.
• I have the right to set my own priorities.
• I have the right to state the difficulties that others' requests of me will cause.

For now, let's wrap our heads around the mental side of the reasons why it is okay to say no in certain situations. Tomorrow, I'll elaborate on the actual methodology behind saying "No" assertively. For us 'yes men' of the world, it can be a challenge to get the hang of, but once we get there... it is liberation all the way!

Ignore Your Limitations

Ever doubted your ability to complete a task? Ever thrown in the towel on something because you did not feel you were capable? Ever aspire towards something great, but second guess yourself along the way?

My advice?
Ignore your limitations.
90% of the time it is simply a case of working out a way to get around them.
100% of the time you are better for the journey towards a goal regardless of whether you got the end result you were after or not.

Ignore Your Limitations

Limitations are just guideposts.

They may signal different routes

or different ways to reach a destination.

But they won't prevent us from getting there,

unless we empower them to do so.

Ignore them,

focus on the journey.

One of my biggest pet hates in my circle of friends, is seeing people with the potential for greatness, hold themselves back from even trying something out. I can never understand what they are so afraid of? The best thing about stepping up to a challenge and giving it a whirl, is that if things do not go according to plan, you have a great group of people behind you - lifting you up, encouraging you, supporting you, helping you to acheive your goal. It is better to have tried and failed, than to not have tried at all.

When a friend of mine came to me and asked me if I would take on running a Splash for Cash swimathon for the Royal Institute for Deaf and Blind Children, I balked. I had the passion to do it for sure, but I knew that my biggest limitations - procrastinating and leaving things to the last minute - could potentially lead to failure which was not an option when volunteering for my favourity charity. But I stepped up anyway. I ignored my limitations and worked my way around them, putting measures in place to make sure we were successful.

Looking back now, I am so grateful that I took that leap of faith, as it has taken me on a completely unexpected journey. That Splash for Cash swimathon - at Macquarie University in 2009 - saw 60 swimmers raise $12,000. With the support of an amazing network of Rotaractors, I am now busily working on taking our event onto the national stage, with Splash for Cash swimathons in the work in various locations around Australia and the aim of raising over $100,000 in 2012. Would any of this be happening if I had let my limitations dictate my life back in 2009? Not a chance.

So what are you waiting for? Take a risk! Take a leap of faith! Chase a dream.

Where there is a will, there is a way! So go for it!

For more information about the 2012 Splash for Cash,

please visit www.splashforcash.com.au or

email me at krissie.mchenry@gmail.com

As Soon As I Knew What I Was Looking For, I Found It!

Have you ever misplaced something? Like your keys?

Ever been searching for something in the bottom of your handbag or

amongst a pile of paperwork and gone past it several times without finding it?

Or had a blonde moment like me when your sunglasses were lost for hours,

only to later discover they were on top of your head the whole time? *grins*

A time-saving technique I recently uncovered calls for a modicum of focus about the properties of the item you are looking for. I'll use the keys floating around the handbag example. Now at any given time, I usually have two to three sets of keys in my bag, accompanied by a wallet, a notepad, pens, tissues, a bottle of water, a book, some business cards and some cherry chapstick. So fishing out my keys can sometimes prove challenging. At times, I would fish out the wrong sets several times just adding to my frustration.

I used to think I knew what my keys felt and looked like automatically, but I would miss it several times whilst sifting through the contents of my bag. Until I focused on my keys' qualities of size, shape and colour, it remained lost to me. To find my keys now, I pause before I delve into my bag, focus on the details - how many keys are on the set I am after, what colour and shape is the keyring? And 90% of the time I can fish the set I want out easily, and without having to put my handbag down to start emptying its contents.

The same technique applies to time. To simplify your time, you need a clear picture of what you want to find, such as an hour a day to rest or read, an evening a week to meet with friends, or a weekend a month to focus on a hobby or take a trip. Without attention to your personal goals, you will never "find" the time to do these things.

If you have a clear mental picture of what you are looking for, you can take steps to find it. So what do you want from time?

525,600 Minutes - How Do You Measure A Year?

Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
Five hundred twenty-five thousand moments so dear
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure, measure a year?

In daylights, in sunsets
In midnights, in cups of coffee
In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife
In five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes
How do you measure, a year in the life?

I was watching a Broadway recording of the musical Rent this morning, and this song gave me some food for thought. I went to a twenty-first brithday party of a dear friend on the weekend - and age was a hot topic of conversation. Many of my friends seem to dread their birthdays - birthdays are a sign of time passing, of ageing, of another year gone and not enough to show for it.

So listening to this song in Rent this morning, I stopped to reflect - exactly how do you measure a year? Do you measure it by how much money you earned? How many hours you worked? How many parties you attended? How many drinks you had? How many friends you made or kept? How many days you simply survived?

Anyone who knows me, knows I am a goal-oriented person. Many do not know to what extent. I have different lists of goals. I have a list of things to do each day. I have a list of goals to achieve each year. I have lists of goals to finish before 30 and 40 years of age respectively. My favourite list though is my bucket list - the list of things I want to do before I die.

The list of goals to achieve each year - between one birthday and the next - that is how I measure a year. I'll share some examples off of my inaugural 'yearly list' - which I made at the age of 24. I think the inspiration to have an annual to-do list was inspired by a fear that when I turned 25 - a quarter of a century - I wanted to not look back on my life so far with regrets.

Highlights of my 'Before I am 25' list:

• Skydiving (with Katie and Mel)
• Whitewater rafting (in Phang-Nga, Thailand)
• Swim over 300 laps for Splash for Cash (did 310 for good measure!)
• Go poledancing (Poledancing for Polio)
• Swim naked (Hello Phuket Beach)
• Play a drinking game (Thanks Sanjeev and the Taiwanese)
• Design a professional logo for my business (thanks Katie)
• Get my first set of business cards for Project Inspiration
• Kiss in the rain (Thanks Danny Boy)
• Travel to a different country (Singapore, Thailand & USA)
• Run a truly great Rotaract event (Mac Uni Splash for Cash)

Now when I hit 25, and looked back on the year that had been... I was proud. I'd done some fun, crazy, proactive and charitable things! I'd risen to the challenge and knocked everything of the list. The following year I upped the ante and made the list even more challenging. And then this year, I have blown all expectations out of the water, knocking 27 things off my bucket list well before my 27th birthday!

Next year I intend to make the goals even harder, with lots of random antics as usual, but adding some hefty career goals and life goals into the mix too. All I know is that when I get to a birthday, I'm not concerned about 'how old I am getting'... I'm excited to stop and reflect on a great year gone by, to set some goals for the year ahead, and then to have a great time celebrating another year of Krissie with some fabulous people I call my friends. I measure a year by the successes and amusing failures that have marked it along the way. And by my thinking, there is no better way to do it.

So tell me now... how do you measure a year???

An Organised Life - Declutter Your Living Space

Anyone else out there a disorganised/cluttered/messy person? I know I can't be the only one.

I'll be brutally honest with you all - until two weeks ago, I was probably the messiest person any of my friends knew. I lived in a constant state of clutter. Not dirty, but uber-messy. It was like one of those rooms you see on Lifestyle shows like Clean House or Hoarders. I'll shamefully admit, there were times (and sometimes weeks-at-a-time) when my room was so full of stuff that I couldn't sleep in my own bed or worse - even get through the door.

This was just one of the many challenges of being a frequent event organiser, entrepreneur, Rotaractor, Scout and general owner of a wide assortment of random items who lives in a single room that serves as both their bedroom and office space.

I've lived in this room for ten years, and I estimate that in that ten years, my room has been clean for less than a month cumulatively. Less than a month... in a decade! Insane! So imagine my family's surprise when a month ago I declared that I was no longer going to be a messy person and I was going to lead the life of a highly tidy and organised individual.

My friends and family scoffed at the thought that I would actually get my epic mess clean in the first place, and were even bigger disbelievers that I would be able to keep it that way. Honestly, I don't blame them - I had doubts myself - but I refused to give up. It was deemed 'Mission: Improbable' by one friend, and 'Mission: Impossible' by all others. It was like my own personal Everest.

After three painfully long weeks of cleaning day-in day-out, I did it! I had a completely sorted, everything filed, sparklingly clean living space. Better yet, two weeks later - it is still tidy! And it feels great. I am never going back.

A friend once said to me that it takes three weeks to form a habit, and three weeks to break it. I'm hoping that is true - but since this habit has been forming my entire life, I am going to be very strict on sticking to my guns and never going on that downhill slide into mess ever again.

A friend who saw my room tidy the other day asked me (after the shock of seeing actual carpet in my room) how did I get rid of so much stuff. And my response was simple.

When you are sorting through your stuff, sometimes it's hard to decide if an item should stay or go. So I asked myself three simple questions.

1. Is it useful?
2. Is it beautiful?
3. Is it loved?

If I answered "yes" to any of these questions, it could stay. If the answer was "no" to all three, then the item hit the trash, recycling or donation bins. Due to the extreme amount of stuff I had in my room, I also often used the question "Will I use it in the next year?" which trumped alot of extra items and led to their disposal.

Is your living space tidy? Is it functional? Or like the Krissie-of-things-past, is the state of your living space dictating what you can and cannot do? If you didn't like your answers to any of those questions, then it might be time to get on top of the clutter and reclaim your life. It might be a challenge, but trust me... it is worth it!!!

Hug It Out

A day in which hugs were exchanged, is a day worth having.

I am the proud distributer of hug cards which enable people to receive hugs on demand. The best thing about hugs is that the more hugs you give, the more hugs there are.

I am quite possibly the only person on the planet that owns a Dictionary of Hugs that has extra hugs that she created, defined and documented on paper and stapled into the back of the book.

Today I thought I would share two classic hugs from the dictionary - and I challenge you all to give one of these hugs in the next few days.

Cheek Hug

Easiest to give if the 'hug-ee' is seated. Come up behind the other person, lean forward placing your chin on their shoulder so you are cheek to cheek with them. Place hands gently on or arms gently around their shoulders and squeeze. Tender. Tasteful. Lightly given, it often has a spiritual quality.

(N.B. After your cheeks touch, smile and sigh - they will be able to feel the smile, and the slow deep breath you take when sighing can help relax them. Also, if hugging a female with a cheek hug, be careful of where you place your hands to ensure there is no accidental and awkward chest groping moment.)

A cheek hug can say:

• I recognise that you are feeling fragile.
• I care about you.
• May my genuine concern for you give you strength.

Side-to-Side Hug

Stand next to your 'hug-ee'. Reach one arm out and wrap it around their waist or drape it over their shoulders. Squeeze lightly. Also known as a lateral squeeze. A merry, playful aside. Use it while strolling together or waiting in line.

Listen to what a side-to-side hug has to say:

• Waiting around for gates to open is not a bit tedious because you're with me.
• Being with you makes me feel good - wherever we are.

So get out there and get your hug on!

Spread the love by spreading your arms!

Cherish your family

In the past few months, several people close to me have lost someone they loved. My own family is soon to lose a family friend. Life is full of surprises. Great ones and terrible ones. Our job is to seize every moment that we have so that we can live a life without regret. And it is in that context that I offer up this piece of food for thought today.

Now is the time to cherish your family.

They may exasperate and infuriate us.

But they are one of our most precious possessions.

Don't take them for granted.

We never how long we will have them,

or they us.

They are our mirror and our anchor.

Treasure your time with them.

Don't go to bed angry. Don't let someone leave the house without telling them you love them. Let the last interaction you have with a person before you part ways be a positive one. You never know when it might be your last. Some might say that is a morbid way to look at things, but I disagree wholeheartedly, because every time you part with a small nicety being exchanged, you make the world a little bit happier of a place. And that can never be a bad thing.

(Eat + Pray + Love) x Krissie = Laugh + Hug + Smile

Last night I finally stopped long enough to watch much talked about movie Eat Pray Love, and true to the hype, it sure gave me some food for thought (almost-there pun unintended). For anyone unfamiliar with the storyline of Eat Pray Love (which is both a book and a movie) - here it is:

"Liz Gilbert (Julia Roberts) had everything a modern woman is supposed to dream of having - a husband, a house, a successful career - yet like so many others, she found herself lost, confused, and searching for what she really wanted in life. Embarking on a journey around the world that becomes a quest for self-discovery, she discovers the true pleasure of nourishment by eating in Italy; the power of prayer in India, and, finally and unexpectedly, the inner peace and balance of true love in Bali."

So many people experience a feeling of disillusionment at some point in their lives. Most commonly known as a mid-life crisis, this sense of being lost can plague people at any age. I myself had a 'mid-life crisis' at the ripe old age of 26 (ie. the start of this year) - I had lost my way and I couldn't see a path out of it. Like Julia's character Liz noted, I used to have this appetite for my life and it was just gone. I was just going through the motions. So I too, embarked on a journey of self-discovery.

"I had actively participated in every moment of the creation of this life. So why didn't I see myself in any of it?" (Eat Pray Love)

Julia Roberts' character may have found that her path to enlightenment and fulfillment was to Eat, Pray, Love. For me it was a case of getting back to the basics that make me truly happy - I reconnected with the most powerful forces in my life - smiling, hugs and laughter.

During my journey in the U.S.A. this year, I immersed myself in what I now refer to as the Trifecta of Happiness. I surrounded myself with people who made me laugh. I hugged my way around the country. I went out of my way to make other people smile. Whether it be posting about my epic adventures on a cross-country bus trip to amuse my friends back home, or pulling over on the side of the road to hug a statue, or taking photos of signs with slightly dirty connotations to make people giggle, or flooding people with technology love, or just flashing a winning smile to a stranger - I reconnected with my goal in life... to make the whole world smile.

For me, the recipe to get back into my groove was simple. Eat Pray Love was one woman's journey to happiness. For me the equation was a little different:

(Eat + Pray + Love) x Krissie = Laugh + Hug + Smile

I encourage you to take a moment and ask yourself, what is your version of Eat Pray Love? What is your Trifecta for Happiness? And if you aren't living and breathing that trifecta every day, when are you going to start?

(Eat + Pray + Love) x <You> = ______ + ______ + _______

There is change on the menu... ...and I'm hungrier than ever.

Imagine my surprise when the inspiration for the next stage of my young life, came from a horoscope that showed up in my inbox. A horoscope subscription I never even signed up for. Yet there is was. Telling me that the stars forsee change in my life; changes that I would instigate myself.

"There's some change on the menu, but you'll be responsible for it, so you won't have a hard time adapting. You'll need to do some fancy footwork when it's time to let others know what's going on."

Ordinarily I am the kind of girl who looks at horoscopes from time to time for a bit of a giggle, or I have a crush on a guy and I'm wondering if the astrologer thinks I should go for it. They are not something I put alot of stock in. Yet somehow, when this crossed my computer screen, it empowered me to take charge of my life. Not what I expected at all when I opened that email!

One of the many issues faced by my generation and perhaps the general population at large, is that we are so busy either playing the blame game or accepting the status quo, that we never stop to realise that the great majority of things that affect our happiness are genuinely within our own control. We fail to acknowledge that we are truly capable of pursuing the lives we want to lead.

I have always considered myself a happy person. A fortunate person. Like every normal person, I have my ups and downs, but in the overall scheme of things - I am happy. However it wasn't until recently that I realised that I can be truly happy AND still have a thirst for more out of life. Whilst I can accept my life for what it is, I can want more, expect more and chase more.

So when I read this horoscope, it made me realise how hungry I am. Yes indeed, if change was on the menu I was going to have as much of it as possible. What changes did I want to order? And does it reflect poorly on the life I have right now, if I am so keen to aspire to more? I sat down and wrote a list of all the major facets to my life and I dared to dream the possibilities that I could have. If I didn't just accept the status quo that is my life today - what would I change? What would you change?

As I progressed through the list it soon became apparant how much more I could be doing with my life and I am already taking action to chase opportunity down. So, as I wade through my 'Menu of Change', I'll be sure to share the triumphs, obstacles and failures here. For now though, I am excited to be rallying towards a truly exciting future. My truly exciting future. And I am thrilled to be taking the next steps in my life's journey.

There is change on the menu... and I'm hungrier than ever. How about you? What are you hungry for?